Ahh winter...
How I hate thee with thy might.. Seriously. I really bloody fucking hate you.
But today my friends, I am not here to complain (well not about winter, anyways) or to give grief about how bloody cold it is or how many socks I'm wearing. I'm not even here to give out about how even though I have a mug of hot chocolate and the heating has been on all day I'm still as cold as a camel in Ireland.
No. Today I'm here to merily discuss that of which is my life. Well this will be a short; I don't have one. However! I plan on getting one some day soon!... Well maybe not too soon though because I have my Leaving Cert and all that jazz and unfortunately that takes up a LOT of my time. I don't quite know how it manages to take me over so much because it's not as though I've done much study since we started back school two months ago. I mean, I've been in the library once or twice but sure, what does that do? There are too many distractions and no teachers to give out and tell us all to shush when the girls are giggling at the boys in the corner and the boys are making the girls giggle by just being in the corner... farting.
Two months ago I thought, 'Right. I'll just pretend I'm preggers and the Leaving Cert is my baby. Over the next 9 months, I'll have to feed it with knowledge, eat plenty of healthy foods to keep the mind active and before I even know it - pop! There it is, defining my life forever.' Oh what a bundle of joy. But two months are gone already and there's only 7 left and I know that may seem like loooads of time to study still but it's not. I mean I spend my days at home on Facebook, watching the Simpsons at 6 and when I really want to avoid doing homework - I even watch Emmerdale. This is how sad my life has become and even worse now that my folks seem to be living it up more than I am. Do you know where they went last week?! I'll tell you. Bloody rollerskating, that's where! And do you know what's even worse?! They actually thought that I would want to go with them and bring my friends along for the laugh! I honestly don't know how I belong to this family. I'm the blacksheep. And no one likes ketchup but me!... I'd eat that stuff on me brocolli...
I mean, we've gone over Halloween and what a dud and half that was, but there's an 18th this weekend and as much as I would just looove to go and hang out in a posh estate with people I don't like and people who sure as hell don't like me, the xFactor is on that night and I'd much rather a night in with Simon Cowell than a night out with Jack Daniels. It's official. I'm the definition of a homebird. Tweet bloody tweet.
The site for the CAO on the interweb is open this Wednesday and we still haven't a bleedin' clue about what to fricken write at all. I don't even know what the CAO is or why we need it or what it's role is in my life? Oh well. Guess we'll have to figure that one out and all.
I must admit though. I always figured that when this time of year cropped up, or even during the Christmas break when everyone was cramming in last minute CAO-filling-out-online and all that jazz, that Christian* would put his busy schedule aside and help me with it like he promised. Now, I'd rather he didn't but I don't have anyone to help me and it wouldn't be such a big deal if I knew what I was doing myself, but I don't have any older siblings or family that could help me out in this area. My folks never went to college and my aunty lives in England and even if she was here, I wouldn't want her help. She'd try and persuade me to go to Trinity and then when I didn't get my points - which I won't because even if I wanted to, I literally could not, cannot, never will get that high - she would be the one to blame. It's Maynooth for me... and even then, despite having all my requirements for the Arts degree, I'll still be lucky to get the points for that. Fingers crossed. Say a prayer for me and all.
Back on track to the subject matter of which is my non-existent life..
One day. I'll have a life. And it will be whopper. It'll be filled with sunshine, booze, hot clothes, a slim figure and an Italian Stallion living the Sardinian lifestyle. He'll have one of those little bike-y thingys and take me for a spin all the time.. And he'll have a nice smile and a sexy accent a body that makes you go "Phwoar!" .. Oh, this story sounds familiar? Perhaps I've already had this? His name was Luca... and there was another named Christian, too actually. Christian was the one who took me for a spin on his bike. They were both bloody gorgeous - both Italian. And both mad after me. Which is always a plus. Besides, Irish boys are so nervous about chatting a girl up. I just don't think the Irish have as much charm as the Italians do. I mean when an Italian Stallion comes up to you, flashes that smile and calls you "Bellissima", you're practically putty in his hands, ain't cha? Anyways. I'm so going back to Italy.
Luca Luca Luca... Mmm...
The year before that it was Diego & Valter. Both years it's been Christian although funnily enough nothing has ever happened with him. Ha. He did give me two roses, a spin on his bike and a teddy bear. Actually, let's not talk about the bear. It was a wolf cuddly toy and there's a rather painfully embarrassing story behind it.
See, this is the life for me. And the way I see it, a life by the beach surrounded by hot Italian men in love with me and riches to last me a lifetime seem quite reasonable. How do I get it all? Well. I go to Maynooth - get that English degree (for me).. go and get the thingy I need to teach a foreign language abroad.. Pack up with my money - hopefully I'll have some by then - and move to Italy where the sun shines and the men wear no clothes. Oh, and write a best-seller somewhere along those lines. Remember my name, bitches.
And this may be a long, long, very long time away - but there's college before that and that's going to be even whopper again. (Yes, I have been using the word 'whopper' as a verb however I don't seem to be pulling it off)
College are the experimental years, yes? Nights I can't remember in clothes I'm not wearing... Ahhh.
I mean right now I can't be at that and even then I think to myself, well, what has college got up its sleeve that could surprise me now? I know it has plenty of tricks up there but I'm doing my best not to think about it right now. Everyone has already fucked off to college and left me and whereas everyone is turning 18, it's my birthday in 24 days and I'll have another whole year to go before I reach the magic number! That means I'm going to be 17 doing my bleedin' Leaving and 17 starting college. And people keep telling me, 'Dude, that's going to suck. You're going to miss the best parties for Freshmen' and I'm like, 'Yeah well at least I'm not a wannabe American DOOFUS'.
None of that really happened. Hell, I was just being dramatic.
Anyways. I had better head off this. I have to get ready for SCHOOL tomorrow and finish that MATHS assignment she gave us over a week ago and maybe even start that ART project I've had a whole month to do and maybe even study a bit of SPANISH and practise that song for MUSIC. Then I'll head to bed with the novel for ENGLISH. Slán go Foill... Yeah that's IRISH right there.... Feel sorry for me now, yeah?
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